My whole world stopped...

One week ago today was the worst day of my life. This is the last time I want to re-live every detail but I wanted to share my story.

On Friday afternoon (11/6) Micah woke up from his nap with a fever. Nothing over 100. I gave him some Motrin.

On Saturday afternoon he still had low fever and now a "croup" like cough. I recognized it right away and made an appointment at our Acute Care clinic on base. The appointment was at 8pm. The doctor agreed it was mild croup. It was the first day so he told me days 2 and 3 would likely be worse especially in the evening. He gave him a steroid treatment in the clinic. His fever was now up to 103. More Motrin. I expected a long night with him.

Sunday morning came and Micah seemed better! He had slept thru the night. We did the steamy bathroom treatment and I put a humidifier in the room. We thought the cool air outside would be good for him too. We did not go to church because I didn't want to leave him in the nursery when he had a fever the night before. So, we did devotions at home. My step-sister Shaina and her daughter Sydney were in town visiting us too. Our devotion was about being thankful even during hard times. We don't thank God when someone is sick but thank God for providing the means to help them feel better etc... We talked about everything we are thankful for.

Then we decided to go play some putt-putt golf. Micah seemed so much better and Aiden never had the chance to do anything fun with his Aunt and Cousin. They were going to be flying home that evening. We had fun at putt-putt. There were only 2 other people there. The cool air was nice and Micah only coughed 2 or 3 times. He did start getting very fussy so we knew it was time to go. It was about 12pm. He said he was hungry in the car and he ate some fruit snacks.

As soon as we got home I noticed his breathing was loud. I sat him on the couch with the nebulizer while I got lunch started. (the nebulizer worked great the night before) I walked past the couch to head outside and start the grill but noticed Micah squirming a lot on the couch. I asked him to sit still. He was crying in a different way so I sat next to him. I told him it's ok and not to cry because it will make it hard to breathe. His eyes got very wide as he started gasping for air. I said "Micah...Micah! Breathe Baby...Breathe!" He turned completely blue. I took the nebulizer mask off and picked him up. I screamed for Shaina. She was upstairs. I screamed at Micah to Breathe. His eyes rolled back in his head. He was unconscious. I screamed for Shaina 2 more times and then she ran downstairs. Micah then had a seizure in my arms. He went straight as a board for about 10 seconds. I thought he was dying right before my eyes. The life was sucked out of him and he was suffocating. I gave Shaina the number to on base emergency. They told her to hang up and call 911. OK...So, then she scrambled to find the home phone to dial 911 and once she got connected she ran to Micah to start CPR. At that point his color came back and he opened his eyes slightly. He was breathing very quietly. (I'm guessing he had stopped breathing 30-45 seconds) Aiden ran over and said "Mom, we want to go get help!" I told him to go across the street to get our neighbor who is a medic. I carried Micah outside, Shaina was still on the phone with 911, and my neighbors wife ran over and said she called her husband he'd be there in a few minutes. She has some medical training so she was checking his pulse. It was good.

Then we heard our neighbor, Travis, coming. Big loud truck, wheels squealing...he was there before any rescue vehicles were. He took Micah, checked his pulse and tried to get him to talk. We were in my driveway. (I'm shaking and crying but holding it together so I don't freak out the kids) He stood Micah up but Micah could barely stand. He was completely lethargic and still not making any sounds. He did manage to say his name when Travis asked.

Firefighters and police were the next on the scene. Now Micah was back in my arms and we sat on our front lawn. They were giving him oxygen. Poor Aiden finally broke down and started sobbing. Shaina comforted him. Paramedics were the last on the scene. They didn't waste any time. They loaded us right up in the ambulance. My neighbor yelled to me that she would take care of Aiden and Sydney. I sat on the stretcher and had Micah on my lap. They took us downtown to a hospital that had a special Children's Hospital division. They gave Micah an IV in the ambulance and breathing treatments. I was trying to keep him alert because he kept dozing off.

We arrived at the hospital where everyone was so nice and helpful. I had a migraine so I was trying to pay attention and not throw up. I never got to eat lunch and the stress got to me. Shaina finally arrived after getting the kids settled and finding the right hospital. Not bad for someone who's never been to Colorado Springs! The nurses and doctors were pretty constant in our room. The doctor said she wanted to admit Micah for at least 1 night. Then ICU came down to see if he should go there. They said he'd be fine in regular Pediatrics. They gave him a fun pack with crayons and color pages and things to make a mickey mouse necklace.

After about 4 hrs. of being lethargic he finally sat up and started talking. He whined about the cartoons and it was like music to my ears! Shaina went to the cafeteria to get us some food. Once Micah was happier we called Aiden so they could talk. Micah usually doesn't like to talk on the phone but he happily talked to Aiden. I think Aiden needed to hear he was okay.

We headed up to his room around 5pm. Again, everyone was wonderful! They had a toy truck waiting for Micah in his room. Something for him to keep and help him smile. They had room service so we ordered our dinner. Best hospital food I've ever had! Equal to a Denny's. Some friends came to visit and bring me things like pajamas, tooth brush etc... Shaina left around 10pm. There were no set visitors hours which was nice. No kids under age 12 were allowed to visit though.

Jarod called my cell to check in and "lost it" when I told him what happened. I knew it would be rough for him because he feels helpless so far away. We couldn't talk long because he was boarding a plane. He called a few hours later with a different tone in his voice. A Thankful tone. His devotion that day had been about being thankful too. Funny how God does that! So, we proceeded to give thanks for modern medicine, great neighbors and friends, family, medical staff etc... We counted many blessings that night and focused on the good.

Sleeping was uncomfortable for me. I think I got a total of 2 hrs between the machines beeping and checking on Micah. I tried to sleep on the little couch in the room but sometimes got in the bed with Micah. At one point he was a little tangled in the tubes from his heart monitor and IV. The next morning I felt awful! Like I was very hungover. A yucky feeling! They brought us stuff to take a shower so we did. That was nice! Then the doctor came to check in. He said he would feel more comfortable to keep Micah 1 more night. He started having another fever and his lungs were not sounding clear. I was OK with that because I was nervous about going home that day since his croup was still active.

We had more visitors and there were volunteers in the hospital that would come see if we wanted a toy to play with or a movie to "check out". Everyone who came in the room had to wear a mask and Micah could not leave the room. Bummer because they had a cool play room! He was getting stir crazy. They unhooked his IV as long as I could keep getting him to drink. That way he could be more mobile around his room and play with the trucks.

That night I slept in the bed with him and managed to get around 5 hours of sleep. The nurses were great about being quiet when they came to check on him. The next day he sounded good and no fever so we got to go home!

I was so comforted by all of the support from family, friends, neighbors and hospital staff! Once we got home friends from church started bringing us meals. Shaina was amazing with cleaning my home and getting Aiden off to school. She obviously canceled her flight and didn't reschedule until we were home and Micah was OK. I've also been contacted by several people who have been thru this same type of experience with croup. Micah had croup once before and it didn't cause breathing problems so this time it caught me off guard.

I learned a few things from this experience. First- if your child has croup keep a close eye on them even if they aren't coughing much and have no fever. Stay right by them to check for abnormal breathing. Second- Get retrained on CPR. (my last course was in high school) Third- BE THANKFUL!

We are home and Micah is doing great. Praise God! I still find myself picturing his face all blue and I start to cry. It is so scary to see that...especially when it's your child! I just remind myself that he is well now and God took good care of him.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers! Thank you God for saving my little boy!

My next blog will be much more uplifting, I'm sure!

Love,
Linda

A Loving Parent...

I've heard before that you can better understand God's love when you have children. We are His children and He loves us more than anything. Here's what happened today...

I decided to take some "quiet time" after putting my toddler, Micah, to bed for a nap. I've been so busy and distracted lately that I started to feel a disconnect with God. So, after discussing it with my Grandma on the phone I knew it was important to schedule quiet time to "Be still...and listen". I put on my Dad's CD... very anointed keyboard music played by my loving earthly Father. I lied down on the living room floor and set my phone alarm for 5 minutes. I calmed my thoughts and relaxed my body to just receive God's anointing and listen if there was something He wanted to say. About 1 minute in to it Micah yelled "Mom!" I had already answered his previous "mom" request for water so this time I didn't reply. He yelled a few more times getting louder each time. "MOM!" Then he said "I want my tee-tee!" (his favorite little stuffed animal) I saw tee-tee in the living room and I knew I would bring it to him when my quiet time was up in 2 more minutes. (I knew I planned to answer his request but he didn't know it) When I finished with my quiet time I headed towards the stairs to bring tee-tee to Micah. I heard him crying softly. From the stairs I said "I'm coming, Micah." He got quiet immediately. With tears in his eyes I handed him tee-tee and all was well. I wiped his tears, covered him with a blanket, kissed his forehead and told him I loved him. I told him I didn't go anywhere and I was right there, he just needed to wait a minute for tee-tee.

Then it kind of hit me...This is what God does to me. He hears all of my prayers and requests. Some He answers right away, others I have to be patient and wait for and sometimes He has a completely different plan. Sometimes I yell and cry when I don't hear an answer or feel He is not close. But when I do feel His presence I am comforted. I feel Him wiping away my tears. I can feel peace knowing that He is there and I just need to "Be still and know He is God." All things in His timing. He is my Heavenly Father. He knows what's best for me and when it's best for me. He loves me more then I can comprehend. I need to "Let Go...Let God."

Thank you for taking the time to read. I hope you got something out of it too.

Love,
Linda

In a nut shell...

I did a 2 week detox/cleanse. My body feels much better! No bloating, clothes fit better, I have more energy. That's the good news. The bad news is, I've had 3 migraines in 6 weeks. I had a CT Scan for abdominal pain and they found inflammation in my colon and enlargement in my pancreas. I've been having severe neck/back pain and spasms. Train Wreck...I know!!

I am working hard to help take care of all these ailments. Just started seeing a Chiropractor, and I see a Nutritionist in a few days. I'm being referred to a GI Specialist for my colon issue and my family doctor is keeping an eye on my progress. I also start physical therapy in a couple weeks. I really don't like seeing so many doctors BUT I want to take care of these issues ASAP so I can get back to good health.

I read an interesting article the other day. It was an interview with Sheryl Crow talking about how she stayed strong and fought cancer. She said something that really hit a cord with me. She said we are always told to "stay busy" and "stay tough". What happens is we bury our true emotions and it manifests in sickness and disease. I thought..."Oh no! That's what I've been doing!" I have been staying busy, and staying tough. I haven't been allowing myself to cry when the urge came. I think this has really taken a toll on my body. SO...I am going to try and embrace the emotions and not be afraid to feel them.

I will still set goals for myself and be on a schedule but I will let myself "feel" again. I just have to figure out how because I've been numb for a while. I'll let you know how that goes!

We had a professional photo shoot before Jarod left. It took a while to hear back from the photographer but she called a few days ago to inform me that all our pictures were lost due to a computer crash. I was devastated! We have no professional family photos and I wanted pictures all over my walls. She was also supposed to make an album to send to Jarod, as a part of Operation Love. Not sure what to do about all this. Bummed about our pics. :(

The boys are doing well. Micah likes talking to Jarod on the computer but not on the phone. Aiden has good days and bad. He thinks of worst case scenarios and worries about them. He is so much like how I used to be. I'm thinking and praying about having him see a therapist. I reassure him all the time and I pray for him but he still cries a lot and calls himself the "worst kid ever" if he makes a mistake. So, we're working on him...

Business is good! I have a new amazing team member who is rocking the business! LOL She's fantastic and it is such a pleasure to work with her! I am going on a Mary Kay retreat next week. It's to get us pumped up with our business. And it's casual!! I never thought I would hear Mary Kay and casual in the same sentence! Jeans and t-shirts! WOOHOO!!! No panty hose and high heels! So, that will be next weekend. The boys will stay with our awesome neighbors.

Jarod is doing pretty good. He has good days and bad days...naturally. He misses us. We are all counting down the days!

Until next time!
-Linda

Bumpy Roads

Tomorrow will mark one month since Jarod left. It's actually gone by quite fast! I have stayed extremely busy!

Yesterday was a sad day. Jarod called me in the evening to let me know he was ok and not to worry about him based on news reports. I didn't know what he was talking about. I tried to look up news but found nothing. He informed me of 2 Americans who died. Just a few days ago he told me he had a bad feeling and an American would die soon. He told me to be ready to receive a phone call with shocking news. Well, I hope and pray that there are no more phone calls like this! Thankfully I could hear his voice and know that he was ok.

It does scare to think he could have been where those guys were. I've cried quite a few times since his call last night. I didn't sleep well at all. I wasn't worrying myself sick but I just couldn't stay asleep. I kept getting up to check on the boys, getting some water, and then toss and turn a bit before drifting back off to sleep.

I know my worrying is no help at all to Jarod. What is helpful is the power of prayer. So, the moment I start to feel anxious I pray. I have been praying a lot! I have to say I do feel peace when I pray. Prayer is like medication for me, I guess. I thought about asking my Doctor about an anti-depressant or something but I haven't yet. Mainly because...I'm not depressed. I cry here and there and if feel a little anxiety. I just keep trying to pray and relax myself.

Last week I had a lot of stomach pains and headaches. I feel pretty good right now, other then being tired from not enough sleep. I'm on day 4 of a detox/cleanse. It's very gentle and I feel that it is helping me to not feel so sluggish. I'm paying attention to my water intake and amount of carbs. It is a goal of mine to be VERY physically (of course, emotionally and spiritually too!)healthy by the time Jarod returns. I need a healthy body to help ensure a healthy pregnancy, when we try to have our last baby. (Isabella Grace)

Well, I'm off to bed for tonight. I think I will sleep well. I got to talk to Jarod for a few minutes and that always helps put my mind at ease. :)

Until Next Time...
-Linda

Adjusting...

Well, It's been 13 days since Jarod left. We are finding our routine again and things are running smooth. I even went to the gym! (it's been too long and I was SO sore for 3 days!)

Aiden had 4 days off school for Labor Day weekend. During that time it was rough because all of our company was gone and we had no reason to get up and going. We didn't get dressed until noon every day. I didn't have much motivation. Now, with Aiden back in school, we get up and go in the morning and I get things done a lot faster. Still struggling with restless sleep and daily headaches but it's not slowing me down much.

The boys are doing well. Good days and bad just like everyone. Micah has been whining a lot the past 2 days and wanting to be held. Aiden is sensitive and cries easily but he's doing better and not getting in trouble at school. He's also a huge help around the house. He has more chores when Jarod's away.

I've gone right to bed every night after I put the boys to bed. I've been SO tired! Tonight I stayed up to watch a little TV (since I don't watch it during the day) and catch up online. I started to feel some loneliness thinking about Jarod and how I wished he could be sitting next to me.

He's been able to call me every couple days. It's so great to hear his voice! He's finally getting adjusted to the time change and trying to get in to his own routine. So far it doesn't look like we'll be able to use the webcam. Internet is too slow out there. But, he can occasionally send an email which is always a nice surprise!

It's amazing how much you miss someone when they're gone. It makes me think back to when he was here and if I showed him how much I love and appreciate him. I guess my point is to appreciate what you have while you still have it!

I miss him so much! About 25 more weeks to go!

Thanks for reading!
-Linda

The After Shock...

Sunday August 30 was one of the hardest days of my life. It seemed like I was crying every 10 minutes. I had to say goodbye (And watch my children say goodbye) to my husband for the next 6 1/2 months. Thankfully my amazing dad and step-mom flew in to stay with me and the boys. They were with us when we said goodbye and stayed for a few days after.

My heart broke to watch my husband run to catch his plane. At the same time I feel closer to him then ever. I've never seen him so emotional. He's a tough guy and he doesn't cry. That all changed the day he left. We hugged and kissed and cried together. I have a sense of peace that everything will be ok. I will just miss him terribly.

I also have to face the fact that I'm a single mom of 2 for a while. I have to run the house, bills, dr. appts etc... I know it will give me even more appreciation for when he returns.

The day he left I walked around in a fog. My head was fuzzy like I was sedated. It's a weird feeling to have. The next day was better. I still got emotional but not as much and my head was more clear. The following day I was "fuzzy" again and my vision was off. I had a hard time focusing. It's amazing what I bodies do when we feel emotional stress!

Today I took Dad and Dar back to the airport. I ran a bunch of errands and came home to put my toddler to bed for a nap. Aiden was in school and I was in a quiet house for the first time in a few weeks. Part of me wanted to take a nap, another part wanted to catch up on Facebook, another wanted to cry and then I finally called my neighbor to come over. She did and we chatted for 30-45 minutes until Aiden came home from school.

I think I've done well the past few days. I haven't had a nervous break-down or felt like I couldn't get out of bed. I was a single mom (of 1) before I married Jarod so I know what it's like. Also, Jarod's job in the military takes him away from home. All summer he was gone Monday through Friday. I'm pretty used to going to bed without him. Right now it feels like he's gone for his summer program and he'll be back Friday or Saturday. We'll see how it goes once the weekend rolls around.

My 7 year old seems to be taking it the hardest. He's been distracted and forgetful lately. He's not listening well in school and he's been crying about everything. There is a counselor at his school that will check on him every week. I am thinking about having him seeing an outside therapist also.

I am blown away by the amount of support that has been shown to me. I have a list a mile long of people I can contact if I need anything. I've gotten nearly 100 messages on Facebook and email from people I know or who know my parents and they heard about the deployment. So many people are praying for us and I can feel it. It feels like a warm blanket of support. I can feel God's Grace every day and it really makes me appreciate everyone and God even more.

I've been able to talk to Jarod via cell phone, email or webcam the past few days. I love technology!! He's in Hawaii for spin up training but will head to his deployment place in a few days. I've been advised to not go in to detail about where he'll be, when he'll be there, and what exactly he'll be doing. What I CAN say is that he is working with Special forces from all branches and they have a very important (top secret most of the time) mission in the Philippines.

Please continue to pray for Jarod's safety and for us back home. Pray for my continued peace of mind and for me to learn to adjust to my new, very busy, schedule. I don't want to overdo it and make myself ill but I do want to stay busy and have a regular schedule.

God Bless you all! Thank you again for your support!

I'll check in soon...
Love,
Linda

It is time...

Oh how fast a month has gone by!! We've had family coming and going. We've had many little family adventures. Aiden has started 2nd grade. My dad and step-mom are arriving today. Jarod leaves tomorrow. I am so thankful to have family here to be with us for a few days after he goes. I don't know what to expect but I imagine it won't be easy.

The past month has been quite an emotional roller coaster. I try to just go with the flow and be here for Jarod and whatever he needs. The problem is that he doesn't know what he needs half the time and he's just been angry that he has to leave his family. He loves his country and he's ready to "answer the call" but he's never had to leave us for this long. So much can change in 6 months, especially with the kids.

We've been tieing up all of the loose ends. Power of Attorney, Will, getting all maintenance done on the car, sold Jarod's truck, bought Jarod a laptop to take, enrolling us in every program possible for families of deployed members etc... Today Jarod is packing for the next 6 months. It's the day he's been dreading for a couple months now. We're going to try to get a hotel room tonight so we can try to be lovebirds his last night in town.

This week has been hard on me physically. I've had headaches and an upset stomach. 1 migraine that layed me out. I finally saw the doctor who prescribed some meds to settle my tummy. He thinks it's all from nerves...I'm sure he's right.

I bought a Peace Lilly plant. It was the first gift Jarod ever gave me when we were dating. I was confused at first because usually girls get flowers (and I LOVE flowers!). BUT...because we had a long distance relationship he wanted to give me something that wouldn't die after a few days. I fell in love with this plant. It was so beautiful and it lasted until Jarod and I got married and I had to move. I usually kill plants so it was great to have a beautiful, low maintenance plant. At the flower shop I told the lady why I wanted the Peace Lilly and she added in some yellow daisies and a yellow ribbon. She also made me a big yellow ribbon to tie on the tree in our front yard.

I'm going to try to enjoy every minute of our last day/night together...without getting too upset or emotional. Jarod's dad left this morning and while we were praying we all got a little emotional.

I'll write an update soon. Until then....we appreciate your prayers and support!

Love,
Linda

My Goals...

I think it's important to have goals and to share them with others. SO...I'm going to share what my goals from now until Jarod returns in March.

BE PHYSICALLY HEALTHY! (rock hard abs, baby!)
*I want to have a regular exercise routine and get is great shape.
*I want to eat healthy and snack less on junk food.
*I want to minimize alcohol. (maybe a couple nights a week I'll have a glass of wine)
*Go on bike rides w/ the kids.

STAY IN COMMUNICATION W/ JAROD!
*Send emails everyday.
*Write and mail a letter at least once per week.
*Mail a care package at least once per month.
*Talk on the phone or webcam as often as possible.
*Maintain a daily journal just for him to read when he returns.

STAY ON TRACK EMOTIONALLY & SPIRITUALLY!
*Write a blog entry at least 1 time per week.
*Stay in communication w/ family and friends.
*Read my Bible devotions every day.
*Attend church.
*Pray A LOT!
*Reach out when I need help.
*Lots of PMA (Positive Mental Attitude)
*Make time for ME once per month (go for a massage or pedicure etc...)

GET READY FOR BABY MAKING! Jarod and I are planning our 3rd and final child. We want to get started on making her as soon as he returns. (I just think she'll be a girl! Isabella Grace!)
*Take my vitamins...especially folic acid.
*Stop using Birth Control. (duh)

EARN THE USE OF A FREE MARY KAY CAR!!
*I want to go "on target" for my car by the time Jarod leaves. (I am 2 recruits away from this goal!)
*I want to actually earn that car by the time he returns. (Instead of taking the car I will take the $375/month cash compensation and buy him the truck he's always wanted. He had a couple thousand dollars saved in his "truck fund" when I started my Mary Kay business. He gave it to me to help build my business. So, I told him if I ever earn a car I will get the cash to pay for his truck. What better time to get him his truck then when he returns from a deployment!)

So there it is! All written out!
Between being active with my children, staying involved in church, my Mary Kay business and my awesome neighbors/friends....I think I will be pretty busy while Jarod is gone! I hope this helps time fly and when he returns I will be a better woman.

:)
-Linda

Numb Emotions...

I was running errands yesterday and while we were in the car my oldest son asked to listen to Veggietales. So, I put in the CD. After the CD was over it automatically started the next one in there which was the CD from our Wedding. It included all of the music played from intro to reception. I started singing the first song, Shaina Twain's "From this moment on". It was the song that started our ceremony until I walked down the aisle. NORMALLY I can't sing this song without crying. I'm flooded with emotions of our special day and I am reminded of how in love with Jarod I am. This time was different. I sang through the entire song and then the next song started. That's when I realized that I didn't even get choked up. I felt numb. I just sang the words on autopilot I guess. I've heard from other military wives that it is common to start guarding yourself as deployment approaches. It's just easier to say goodbye if your heart is protected. But I don't want to miss out on the happy emotions because I'm so guarded. I sang through the next few songs and forced myself to feel vulnerable. That's when the song came on by Bryan Adams, "Everything I do, I do it for you." The flood gates opened up then! Here's a copy of the lyrics in case you need to be reminded.

*Look into my eyes - you will see What you mean to me.
Search your heart - search your soul. And when you find me there you'll search no more.
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for. You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for.
You know it's true. Everything I do - I do it for you.
Look into your heart - you will find There's nothin' there to hide.
Take me as I am - take my life. I would give it all - I would sacrifice.
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for. I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more.
Ya know it's true. Everything I do - I do it for you.
There's no love - like your love And no other - could give more love.
There's nowhere - unless you're there All the time - all the way.
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for. I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more.
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you. Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you.
Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you*

This reminds me of Jarod's love for me, the boys and his country. He is SO willing to fight and die for all of us. I am truly honored to be his wife and support him in the military. I am so proud of who and what he represents. (God and USA)

I have a feeling it will be a daily struggle for me to make myself be open and vulnerable. But, I will try so I can get the most out of the little time we have left...until he returns.

Thanks for reading! Any comments are welcome!

-Linda

The beginning of our journey...

Well, here we go! I knew when I married Jarod that he would have to deploy SOME DAY. Since last Fall we've been told he would leave this Fall to Afghanistan for 6 months. Then it changed to leaving in October to Iraq for 4 months. Then it changed again to leaving in September to the Philippines for 6 months. NOW he's leaving the end of August...until that changes again! I'm frustrated that every time he calls for updates on his deployment he gets changes to the plan. They don't tell him until he asks! I finally get used to the new plan and then it changes again. So, I'm at the point where I'm expecting it to change again. They can take him as early as August 2 because that's when he's done with his Summer program here.

That's right! All summer I only see him on the weekends. I have to say we are making the most of our weekends. We are going on little family adventures and trying to go on more dates. There is more passion in our marriage now. We are really living each day like it's our last. It sucks to think of it that way but we don't want any regrets when he leaves. At first our relationship was strained because of our fears about this deployment. So many marriages break a part during this time. It happened in Jarod's first marriage so he had his fears. Now we are trying to focus on growing closer to God and each other and the past few weeks (or should I say weekends) have been amazing!

I knew deployments were hard but I wasn't expecting such a roller coaster BEFORE the deployment.

Now that Jarod is leaving next month I feel like there's so much we need to do and we're running out of time. I'm taking it one day at a time. I'm staying busy with my kids and I talk to my family and friends often. I hope this deployment will be a great experience that will help me strengthen relationships and grow in my Faith.

I'm excited about this blog so I can hear from everyone out there. I love to read thoughts and supportive words. I know there are many wives out there who have been through multiple deployments and I'd love to hear how they got through it. I pride myself on not being dramatic and staying calm most of the time. Although I have felt myself getting anxious lately. I hope this blog helps me just let my feelings out.

Thanks for reading! I'll try to update at least a few times per week.

God Bless!
-Linda