Numb Emotions...

I was running errands yesterday and while we were in the car my oldest son asked to listen to Veggietales. So, I put in the CD. After the CD was over it automatically started the next one in there which was the CD from our Wedding. It included all of the music played from intro to reception. I started singing the first song, Shaina Twain's "From this moment on". It was the song that started our ceremony until I walked down the aisle. NORMALLY I can't sing this song without crying. I'm flooded with emotions of our special day and I am reminded of how in love with Jarod I am. This time was different. I sang through the entire song and then the next song started. That's when I realized that I didn't even get choked up. I felt numb. I just sang the words on autopilot I guess. I've heard from other military wives that it is common to start guarding yourself as deployment approaches. It's just easier to say goodbye if your heart is protected. But I don't want to miss out on the happy emotions because I'm so guarded. I sang through the next few songs and forced myself to feel vulnerable. That's when the song came on by Bryan Adams, "Everything I do, I do it for you." The flood gates opened up then! Here's a copy of the lyrics in case you need to be reminded.

*Look into my eyes - you will see What you mean to me.
Search your heart - search your soul. And when you find me there you'll search no more.
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for. You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for.
You know it's true. Everything I do - I do it for you.
Look into your heart - you will find There's nothin' there to hide.
Take me as I am - take my life. I would give it all - I would sacrifice.
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for. I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more.
Ya know it's true. Everything I do - I do it for you.
There's no love - like your love And no other - could give more love.
There's nowhere - unless you're there All the time - all the way.
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for. I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more.
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you. Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you.
Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you*

This reminds me of Jarod's love for me, the boys and his country. He is SO willing to fight and die for all of us. I am truly honored to be his wife and support him in the military. I am so proud of who and what he represents. (God and USA)

I have a feeling it will be a daily struggle for me to make myself be open and vulnerable. But, I will try so I can get the most out of the little time we have left...until he returns.

Thanks for reading! Any comments are welcome!

-Linda